Halloween
Horror Nights is not just the biggest special event of the year at
Universal Studios Florida, but it is also the largest Halloween celebration in
the country. It’s an event that spans the entire park offering a plethora of
thrills and scares for anyone brave enough to tread the dark and fog-enshrouded
streets.
But
this is not an event for the timid or especially for young impressionable kids.
Horror Nights lives up to its name. It is a literal celebration of the dark,
terrifying and the macabre. And the experience of being at Halloween Horror
Nights is exactly like being a participant in a live horror movie. It’s a
way to vent your darkest fears by being threatened in a totally safe,
absolutely non-threatening environment. The streets may be clogged with
costumed ghouls and monsters reaching out to grab you, but the principle rule
at Horror Nights is that monsters cannot touch guests. For all the effective
illusion, it is, after all, just a show populated by actors - scareactors
- in costumes and makeup.
So it’s
perfectly okay to play the role of the stupid, typical horror movie victim who
climbs the stairs when everyone is screaming at them to go the other way and
then always opens the door when everyone knows they shouldn‘t. All that’s
waiting on the other side are screams that are almost immediately followed by
bellows of laughter. And there you have the essence of Halloween Horror
Nights.
Supported
by the kinds of lighting, sound, decoration and set design that could only be
done by a major motion picture studio, this is an event that can truly be
called a kick-ass good time.
This is
the twenty first edition of Horror Nights, and as with all years past, the
event has a theme and an iconic hostess. The theme of “21” is spinning the
wheel of fate. And joining past Horror Nights icons such as Jack the Clown, the
Caretaker and Fear himself is none other than Lady Luck. And while there is no
haunted house or show based on her antics, she can be seen in one of the scare
zones and on video at the main entrance.
There
are three main elements to Horror Nights: haunted houses, scare zones and
shows.
The haunted houses are elaborately staged and decorated
themed mazes built into various sound stages around the park. Scare zones, on
the other hand, are themed areas on the streets and other outside areas
throughout the park. Like the mazes, they are populated with a healthy (or
should that be unhealthy?) amount of monsters, ghouls and all sorts of fiends,
vampires and zombies. Unlike the mazes, the monsters don’t pop out of a hiding
place to scare their unwary victims.
They are, rather, milling in the crowds with them. Of course,
that doesn’t mean that you’ll be attacked by a monster everywhere inside
Universal. There are plenty of areas and sidewalks outside the scare zones that
are absolutely monster free.
This,
of course, is hardly true of the haunted houses. The houses are a panic. And
they are the main draw of the event.
Horror
Nights 21 features eight houses. Each is a unique, self contained show. One of
them is based on the works of Edgar Allen Poe. Another is a walk-through
version of the newest remake of the soon to be released film, The Thing.
And still another is a parody - if you can believe it - of the old 60s kiddy
show H.R. Puffinstuff.
One
totally intriguing concept is the premise of a house called The Forsaken. It
sounds pretty ominous: Within an abandoned Spanish fort, the mutinous
undead crew of Columbus
Premise
and good intentions aside, however, there is little inside The Forsaken
that will make anyone think of Christopher Columbus or grab a history book
seeking clues about an obvious attempt by the Spanish crown to cover up the
loss of his fourth ship. The experience
is, rather, much more reminiscent of John Carpenter’s fairly forgettable 80’s
horror flick The Fog, in which the leper crew of a wrecked ship returns
a hundred years later to reek havoc on the townsmen that stole their gold and
then send their ship into the rocks. The sailors of The Forsaken are, in fact, dead ringers
for the lepers from The Fog from the bandage-wrapped faces to the
light-up glowing green eyes.
But
whether from a forgettable film or a forgotten page in history, it’s needless
to say that these hapless sailors will pop out from everywhere to say hello.
Not that they’re actually glad to see you, of course.
The
Forsaken sails a course that begins in a Spanish fort (which is, as Horror
Night aficionados will note, the castle set from the 2009 Frankenstein
maze) that leads onboard the doomed ship itself. Since there is a storm raging
on deck, expect to be spritzed with water every now and then. The full ship’s deck set is very cool - as is
the water-spraying everywhere storm blowing over it. Also, be on the lookout
for the best scare in the house. That happens in a long ship’s corridor on an
elevated pathway set at an absurd angle, which makes it awfully hard to walk in
a strait line, but really easy to slip into the waiting arms of a bunch of dead
historical figures.
Larry’s
scare factor: Since the girl I escorted through this maze was only gripping
my right arm, dodging occasionally and screaming in my right ear, I’ll rate the
scare factor in this maze as intermediate.
Right
beside the entrance to The Forsaken is the maze that’s destined to
become this year’s show stopper. It’s called The In Between. This is -
with apologies to Chris Angel - a total mind freak with inter-dimensional sets
straight out of the Twilight Zone, different freaks and monsters for
every freaky scene and an upside down
vortex tunnel.
And as
if all this weren’t enough, this haunted house really is in another dimension. The
In Between is the very first 3D maze in the 21-year history of Halloween
Horror Nights.
The
whole thing starts out in a college dorm room where its ominously absent
students have been playing with a Ouija Board and other magic stuff and have
managed to open a portal straight into another dimension. This is entered
through the vortex tunnel, which is a huge spinning cylinder with a catwalk
path leading through the center. The spinning cylinder has the effect of making
guests feel exactly as if they are actually turning upside down. This is, of
course, a Universal standard special effect, and it always shows up in one of
the mazes every year. But in a pair of 3D glasses, is really looks, well, unworldly.
Of
course, the portal leads to a whole plethora of other dimensions, each with its
unique stock of pop up demons. These are everywhere and seem to come from
nowhere, since, in 3D, nothing looks real to start with.
The
best section of the house is what I like to call the cords and mirrors room.
Thin ropes are stretched from ceiling to floor on both sides of the path
through this area, criss-crossing into a sort of net. Behind these are rows of
full length mirrors. The low lighting and the 3D effects give the nets an
eerie, unreal quality. And it’s nearly impossible to tell the real demons in
this area from their reflections, especially since their reflections blend so
nicely with yours. You’ll probably spend a significant amount of time screaming
in this area, and don’t be surprised if you don’t get snagged in the net for good
measure.
Larry’s
Scare Factor: In this maze, the girl was gripping my right arm, using the
left foot shuffle to do the hide behind so she was screaming in both ears. And
by her own admission, she had her eyes closed during at least part of the
house. So this house gets a high scare rating.
Now, if
what you’re looking for goes beyond the elaborate sets of The Forsaken or
the dazzling special effects of The In Between and into the realm of
good old fashion horror defined by gobs of gore and gallons and gallons of
blood, then you really need to hustle across the bridge to the Amity section of
the park where, right next to the entrance to Bill and Ted’s Excellent
Halloween Adventure, you’ll find a charming house called Saws and Steam.
Saws
and Steam, Into the Machine is a veritable scream fest. Its premise is
simple too. According to the guide map synopsis, Spinning blades and
crushing pistons threaten your every step as you’re forced deeper into the
bowels of a mechanical nightmare.
Basically
this is a dark creepy factory right out of The Terminator or the
original David Hedison horror flick, The Fly. In one passage there are
steel walls on both sides covered with blood-stained circular saw blades. As
you begin to walk through it, the whine of the saws start and the walls start
to move in on you.
This,
boys and girls, is not for the squeamish.
In
another scene, a butcher is literally filleting the leg of some poor corpse
neatly laid out inside a cage. In another, pneumatic pistons are crushing whole
pieces of various body parts. And, of
course, blood-stained ghoul-faced butchers are leaping out at you at every
turn.
The
scene that even got me was one in which this butcher was reaching out to
everyone passing by in an attempt to drag us all onto a long conveyor belt
leading into a blood soaked cylindrical grinder.
All I
can say is that if you were a fan of either version of The Texas
Larry’s
Scare Factor: In this one the girl wasn’t just clinging for dear life onto
my arm and doing the back peddle hide behind shuffle. She was so wrapped around
me it was like wearing a loudly screaming girl suit. So the Girl Suit Scare
Factor on this one is off the scale.
Now
while the houses are the main event of Halloween Horror Nights, they
aren’t the only places in the park for a Monster Mash. And that brings
us to the Scare Zones.
As I
mentioned before, scare zones are outside areas decorated to a particular theme
and populated with appropriate monsters. While not contained or claustrophobic
in any way as the mazes tend to be, sometimes, as was the case with
Deadtropolis, the Zombie Siege in the Sweet 16 event back in ‘06,
the zones can be even scarier.
There
are six scare zones in various areas around the park this year. Aside from the
scare zone called simply “7” (the seven deadly sins) most of this year’s
scare zones are curiously short. They range from scenarios in which maze walls
switch around to areas were acid rain is causing the buildings to collapse into
rubble.
So
let’s take a stroll through the scare zones and see - if you’ll pardon the pun
- what pops up.
Let’s
begin with Nightmaze down the alley around the corner from Shrek. Universal
says, Journey through (this) ever-changing maze of darkness (and) you won’t
be scared the same way twice. Sounds good. Unfortunately, in actuality, you
won’t be scared at all.
This
was one of the most eagerly anticipated scare zones since the idea behind it
was essentially a good one. Large black partitions form a sort of maze which
is, of course, dark, choked with your standard fog and inhabited by scareact0rs
in black robes. When least expected, these faceless denizens of the dark move
the partition walls around to create new and unexpected pathways - trapping
their hapless victims in an ever-changing maze of terror.
Unfortunately
the panels are so big, so unwieldy and so slow to be moved around that the
whole procedure is anything but unexpected and far more annoying than scary.
And as far as being trapped goes, forget it. All you have to do to escape that
fate is to simply use the sidewalk.
Larry’s
Scare Factor: None
Larry’s
Waste of Time Factor: High
Over in
the far corner of New York
The
Scareactors roaming this small New
York
No, the
place isn’t really falling apart. But that’s precisely what it looks like. The
startling effect is achieved by an amazing projection and light show in which a
film of the buildings coming apart from the top down and falling into rubble on
the ground is projected onto the actual buildings with remarkable results.
Coupled with some startling sounds and the effect is almost unbelievable.
But
it’s supposed to be a scare zone, not the demolition derby and the special
effects, dazzling as they are, create a situation of more show than scare. So
while everyone is busy watching the buildings fall apart, the monsters get
left, if you’ll pardon the pun, in the dust. And that’s got to sting worse than
the acid rain.
Larry’s
Scare Factor: Minimal
The new
icon representing Horror Nights 21 is Lady Luck, and you’ll find her tossing
the dice in both of her incarnations in a fog choked New York
It’s
all simple misdirection, of course, but as with most magic tricks, it nearly
always works. The only thing that works against this area is the amount of fog
used in the alley. Some fog is creepy. Too much of it hides everything.
Nonetheless, while this is a short scare zone, it’s one not to miss.
Larry’s
Scare Factor: The girl refused to enter the area and waited outside, so
that should tell you all you need to know.
Once
you’ve crossed under the archway into the scare zone known only as 7 you’re in
for a dichotomy of thrills. “7”
stands for the seven deadly sins - you know, lust, gluttony, greed, jealousy
and the lot - which are manifested in the form of masked women on seven
individual stages placed under lights throughout this long scare zone area. At
the beginning of the evening, the seven women are seen as beautiful
seductresses in gowns. But they change throughout the night until, at the end,
you see how ghastly sins can actually be.
But, like
the crumbling buildings of Acid Rain or the Lady Luck beauties of Your
Luck has Run Out, the stage presentations are the distraction. Here for
your scaring pleasure are a plethora of their minions milling through the fog
and darkness. This is an area where misdirection really works, especially when
somebody pops a chainsaw in your face.
7 is
the longest, largest and most effective - if not most interesting - scare zone
in the event and even when it’s crowded, distract and attack cooks, making it
the scariest scare zone as well.
Larry’s
Scare Factor: Yikes!
The
last two scare zones sort of go arm in arm and not just because one ends along
a short path leading toward the Hollywood area
where the next begins. They’re both short, dark and foggy. They’re both
inhabited by creatures. But these are what I like to call “wandering” zones,
because in both cases, the creatures slowly wander through the area. They don’t
hide. They don’t attack out of the darkness. They just wander like zombies that
have just eaten. And that’s it.
The
first of the two is called Grown Evil, and the ravens, bats and other
creatures wandering around in it are actually stilt walkers. Stilt walkers are
cool to watch. But they aren’t particularly scary unless one of them trips and
falls on you.
The
other area is called the Canyon
of Dark Souls
Larry’s
Waste of Time Factor: Very high
The
final element of Halloween Horror Nights is the shows. Generally there are two
of them, each presented several times throughout the evening. While one of
these shows changes from year to year, the other is a Halloween Horror Nights
tradition. It’s presented three times nightly on the main stage at the far end
of the park, and it’s called Bill and Ted’s Excellent Halloween Adventure.
Now for
those of you that might not remember Bill and Ted, they were the two moronic
but lovable party dudes played by Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves who used a
telephone booth time machine to pass a history test in the 1988 Universal
comedy, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. (For those of you who don’t
remember what a telephone booth was, it was a small free-standing metal and
glass booth big enough for a person to stand inside that housed a pay
telephone. For those of you who don’t remember what a pay telephone was, it was
a coin activated land line phone used to make calls outside the home in those
dark days before cell phones. For those of you who don’t remember what coins
are, they were small metal disks people used as money along with paper bills
before the Internet and debit cards.) These two excellent dudes returned a
couple of years later in a second film, Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey,
which was released right around the time Halloween Horror Nights began at
Universal Florida. Ever since, Bill and Ted return to host the Halloween
extravaganza that satirizes all the year’s entertainment or controversial news.
You
never know who will show up at a Bill and Ted show, but the results are nearly
always hilarious. In this year’s edition don’t be surprised to see the girls
from Sucker Punch selling Girl Scout cookies, Osama Bin Laden running
from nearly everyone or Kristie Alley eating whole planets. Also get ready for
a rock and roll dance party extravaganza.
Bill
and Ted’s Excellent Halloween Adventure is always a good time, but probably not
for younger audiences. A lot of the language is, well, harsh, and probably not
suitable for younger ears.
There
is one more important element to Halloween Horror Nights outside the
three already discussed. And that is alcohol.
Drinks
of all kinds - from beer and wine to mixed cocktails and plain old fashioned
shots - are readily available throughout the park during the event. In fact, in
some areas outside service bars are no further than a hundred yards apart. And
if that doesn’t make it convenient enough to stop for a quick one, there are
beer and shot stands in the middle of each of the haunted house queue lines as
well. Add to this the army of vampire girls wandering through the park selling
jello shots, and you’ve got a party that Bill and Ted themselves would really
appreciate.
Do be
warned, however, that the Orange County Sheriff’s and the Orlando Police have
cars stationed at all the Universal Studios exits at closing time. So if you
don’t have a designated driver in your group, imbibing too much probably isn’t
that great of an idea unless you want to experience the ultimate horror maze,
namely the darkened corridor that twists and turns until it ends in the drunk
tank of your local police department. As Bill and Ted would say, “Bogus!”
So
designate a driver, max out that credit card and party on.
And oh, yeah...have a safe and insane Halloween.
By Guest Blogger Larry Talbot
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